overflowing with joy and love for my wonderful little man ...

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms,
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way


than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

~ Pablo Neruda

What a wonderful day off

I can't believe that I did so much in one day.. I've been so lazy lately that today's accomplishments are kind of reaffirming.. I can get stuff done when I try! We (me and my Cayd) got up at a decent time .. I did have to wake him but hey he woke up smiling.. then it was off to the mom's and tots year end party. I've realized that Cayd is in need of little friends, he was so excited at all the kids running around that he just stood in the middle of the room beaming and dancing..after he figured it all out he joined in and had a blast. From there, Cayd went to Jen's and I went to the Rodeo grounds for an hour.. back home and rode my nasty mare all the way over to Tracy's house (at least a 1/2 mile away!) which is a big feat for her and me, normally she tosses her head or balks a little and I give in because I'm scared of getting bounced off of her but not today! I made her do what I wanted and she was so much better behaved by the time we got back home!
From there it was back to the Rodeo grounds and working the door for the second night of Rodeo performances. Then back home and visit with Tracy for a few minutes .. plus I also found the time to call my sisters and let them know that I love them even though we are far apart.. they are still my best friends.. what a wonderful day..

"If you sit down at set of sun

and count the acts that you have done,

and counting find one self-denying deed,

one word that eased the heart of him who heard,

one glance most kind that fell like sunshine where it went--

then you may count that day well spent."

[ george eliot ]

Waking up everyday hoping for something wonderful.. then I open his door and there he is :)

Life is Crazy! or is it just me ???

Back to work; my job has changed drastically in the year that I have been gone.. don't get me wrong' I still love it (well most days) but there are times when I just want to be responsible for me and me alone.. not a whole crew.. I know I should be proud that I'm reliable or dedicated or good enough at my job that the boss let me supervise a bunch of other people but again.. somedays I just want to look after me! My house is an absolute mess and most days I walk around wishing for my big house in Peace River.. a place for everything.. then again there may have been a place for everything because I was the only one who's stuff needed a place! I can't seem to keep up and sometimes I just don't want to.. that of course leads to other issues.. Thank heaven for little boys.. he is all that keeps me sane.. it's hard to go crazy when you're laughing at a completely adorable little toddler..